Friday, August 20, 2004

The Olympic Village 

Last night, I saw M. Night Shyamalandofnuhdfgjkdngdjfg's "The Village." Thankfully, it was a free screening. The movie isn't bad so much as it is pointless and frustrating. I'm sure you can all wait to see it later if at all. Seriously, no rush.

Asa and I, however, have created a far superior version of the film. Just to give it some added flavor, we made it topical. But beware, our version contains spoilers. Proceed with caution as we present to you:

The Olympic Village

Bela Karoli: *walks in with Kerri Strug in arms* I not believe her dead. It make wonder why we chose settle here, but we did, and now we never leave, even if becomes exceedingly clear that this idea horrible. After all, Athens is a heap.

Mary Lou Retton: I love you Michael Phelps.

Michael Phelps: *busy winning gold medal*

Carly Patterson: You love me Michael Phelps.

Michael Phelps: It's true, let's get married! *wins gold medal*

Carly Patterson: Mary Lou Retton will settle for The Thorpedo. He's like a torpedo that swims!

Bela Karoli: Carly Patterson, I know you love him, but Michael Phelps ask to leave Olympic Village. We suspect he see Romanian Gymnastic Team We Do Not Speak Of and use Dope We Do Not Use.

Paul Hamm: My voice is sooooo high that even as an Olympic champion, nobody will sleep with me. You love Carly Patterson. *stabs Michael Phelps*

Michael Phelps: *wins silver medal*

Carly Patterson: I love him! Let me go to the towns.

Bela Karoli: Don't scream Carly, but I must tell you that Romanian Gymnastic Team We Do Not Speak of is false. Rumors of Romanian Team in these woods, but we coaches wear unitards to scare the other Olympians. Now take Credit Card We Do Not Speak Of (American Express), and go to towns.

Carly Patterson: It seems preposterous that I should be able to walk through these woods blind, but I guess love is guiding me or something stupid like that.

Paul Hamm: ARGHH! I am Dragulescu, a top Romanian Gymnast!

Carly Patterson: *Kills Paul Hamm*

Paul Hamm: *Releases helium from skull*

Bela Karoli: It is actually 2004!

Olympians: We know, all the signs say Athens 2004.

Amanda Beard: *Gets hot and heavy action in the hot tub with Aaron Piersol and Catelin Sandeno*

M. Night Shyamalan: In case you were wondering, here is some exposition. I think I have a point, but now it is hopelessly muddled. Look at me in that artsy reflection! I'm so hot right now.

Carly Patterson: I have returned with medicines!

Michael Phelps: *Wins gold medal*


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