Wednesday, March 29, 2006

Something for the ladies? 

Or not...

You ever been washing your hands in the bathroom and then you hear a person in the stall just farting for, like, 30 seconds straight? I had that experience yesterday. I didn't know whether to leave or laugh out loud. So instead I just checked my watch and kept time. Thirty seconds. I kid you not. It smelled. I was smart enough to get out of there just as he was flushing. No way I'm washing my hands next to this guy! Just this unflinching, irrepressable series of sputtering with no end in sight. Could you imagine how massive his intestines are? I bet he could birth a litter of kittens out of his urethra. Also, he was in a hurry to get into that stall and drop trow. It was like a hurricane just burst through the bathroom and before I knew what was going on, there was just this deafening, constant stream of farting. It was something else.

Do something with your Wednesday.


Whaddya mean it's only Wednesday? 

I'm a shmuck. I put on my idiot boots last night and went out 'til late. Didn't get very much sleep. Still really out of it. Plenty of water and granola bars. Want to go to bed. Once again, I'm the first damn person into work. Probably have time for a ten minute nap before anyone else shows up. Ugh. I'm retarded. Fun times, though!


Monday, March 27, 2006

Something for the ladies 

Girls, I have a confession. I just have to share this with you all. My butt is incredibly firm. Hard, yet supple. Just thought you'd like to know.


I want in the George Mason fan club 

Everyone, everyone! I love George Mason! I'm naming all of my kids after George Mason.

Have you read the latest SMRT-TV? George Mason

2+2 = George Mason

The capitals of Zimbabwe, Denmark, and Belize? George Mason

First man on the moon? George Mason

The basis for Disney's Cinderella? George Mason

According to those time-wasting quiz sites, I should be living in the United Kingdom (something I am all too aware of) and the South Park character I am most like is Stan. Also, I should be living in George Mason and I am most like George Mason on the show George Mason.

Who baked the world's first cake? George Mason

The oldest oak tree in North America? George Mason

School most envious of George Mason? Gonzaga! How do you think those guys feel? It's supposed to be them who are the darlings of small-school college basketball.

Fairfax, Virginia was built by George Mason and no one else.

Best seedless fruit? George Mason

Most potent alcohol? George Mason

The first King of England? George Mason

The star of Lethal Weapon 3? George Mason

Fastest ISP? George Mason

The secret ingredient in McDonald's secret sauce? George Mason

Dr. Phil's nemesis? George Mason

Who wrote the Code of Hammurabi? George Mason

Father of the Bill of Rights? George Mason

Number of steak dinners Jai Lewis has eaten in his life? George Mason

Fastest animal on the planet? George Mason

Team I and the rest of the country are cheering to do the unthinkable and win the Final Four? George Mason

My birthday? George Mason

Music I'm currently listening to? George Mason and/or whatever George Mason is listening to.

I heart George Mason.


Thursday, March 23, 2006


How amazing was the finish to that UCLA game?!?! I ask you! How amazing?!?! Roberto??? Wow! I was on cloud nine early in the evening when Duke (fuck Duke!) lost to LSU. Then Texas and West Virginia trading eye-popping shots (UT at the buzzer! Wow!). How can Friday's set of games possibly top this? How? Encore! Deepest sympathies to crest-fallen Adam Morrison. You'll make a great pro, ugly Billy Crudup in Almost Famous. Derisive laughs toward J.J. Redick. Fuck you, buddy. Way to lay an egg when it counts the most. How about Duke's nine consecutive Sweet 16s? Pretty incredible. But four of the last five seasons, now (all as 1 seeds), the Blue Devils haven't got any farther. Sounds like an underachiever, to me. Relatively speaking, of course.



The following is a spam email I received. I have not altered it in any way, shape, or form. It doesn't make any sense and can only be described as "the greatest thing ever." Behold it's blinding light!

Subject: Re[6]: Love is an irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired

What's up?

Tired of being ooooovvveeeerrrwwweeeeeiiiiiggghhhttttt? We can help!

"My mother," Vronsky responded, smiling, as everyone did who met
Oblonsky. He shook hands with him, and together they ascended
the steps. "She is to be here from Petersburg today."
"I was looking out for you till two o'clock last night. Where
did you go after the Shtcherbatskys'?"
"Home," answered Vronsky. "I must own I felt so well content
yesterday after the Shtcherbatskys' that I didn't care to go
"I know a gallant steed by tokens sure,
And by his eyes I know a youth in love,"

Unsubscribe: http://www.trilaphys.com/u.php

I don't know about you, but I want to go hang out with Vronsky and Oblonsky, like, right the fuck now. We're going to ride gallant steeds all over the damn place.


Someone has to take the fall 

The LA Kings fired coach Andy Murray yesterday. Can't say I'm surprised. That'll happen when your team looks lifeless and routinely gets drubbed 5-0 (as they did against Colorado on Monday). Even though I've always been a fan of Murray's, I'm actually kind of relieved that he's gone. Not so much because of his actual departure, but because it singals that GM Dave Taylor (who is definitely doing his part to make this team competitive, being active in free agency and trading for players like Mark Parrish and Brent Sopel to help the porous special teams) recognizes what a mess his club is at the moment. Shockingly, the Kings are still in the playoff race as of today, but this is a sinking ship and Murray's axing might be the only thing that can save it. Consider the blistering start they had to the season and have they've practically jumped off a cliff since the start of the new year. It turns your stomach as a fan when your team demonstrates that they have the talent and capability to beat anyone and then, just as the season begins to intensify and the playoffs approach, they pull an about face, forgetting how to score, play defense, string together two consecutive passes, play with any sort of intensity, and the goalie play is just horrendous. Wha' happen? No less than 4 goals surrendered in each of their seven losses during this current 2-7 slide. What the hell happened to Mathieu Garon? As a goalie, he's playing his way right out of the league at this rate. Let's hope that the late coaching change has the same effect on this year's Kings as it did on the 2000 New Jersey Devils.*

*Read: Jersey won the Cup that year. They were a superior team, sure, but they still won.


Monday, March 20, 2006


Let me tell you something, as of right now, at this very moment in time, there is nothing funnier than repeating "Balaban" in the voice of Henrietta the chicken from Return to Oz. Someone asks you what you thought of Capote, there's only one appropriate response: Balaban!

Actually, I just watched Capote. It's good, if not dreadfully slow at times. I don't see how anyone could take exception to that, given that the bulk of the scenes in the film are either phone calls or eight minute exchanges of unbroken dialogue between two characters in a single room. Not exactly visually arresting. But it's a good story and, yes, the Hoff is indeed marvelous. This movie doesn't come close to approaching best picture status, as it's nomination might suggest, but the Hoff is worth seeing all by himself. Good, but not great. Also, Balaban!

Not good TV: Big Love. I didn't know what to make of the series premiere a week ago, so I went into last night's second installment with a pretty open mind. I'm now certain that this show falls into that small category of HBO failures. Look, it's one thing if all the characters on your show are simply wretched and it's a comedy, but that isn't the case here. It works for a show like Arrested Development because you're laughing. The only redeemable character in Big Love is Jeane Tripplehorn's. And she isn't exactly compelling.

More college hoops on Thursday. Should continue to be terrific. Big ups to Georgetown for making me look smart and advancing to the Sweet 16 over Ohio State. Even bigger, madder props to my University of Arizona Wildcats. My boys played as good a game as I could've asked for. No one was expecting them to beat Villanova, but they acquitted themselves quite nicely, just dropping by four points in front of a hostile Philadelphia (read: Villanova hometown) crowd. That's two years in a row, by the way, that Arizona has been knocked out of the NCAA tournament on the "road." Villanova in Philly this year and University of Illinois in Chicago last year. Hey, you think maybe we could get a couple tourney games in Tucson next season? Sheesh.



Saturday, March 18, 2006

I got raped in my sleep! 

No, I'm just kidding.

But I did wake up with two strange cuts on my face each between my eyebrow and the bridge of my nose. They weren't there when I went to sleep (read: passed out). That was an accident, by the way. I no that some of you reading this tripe were at my place last night for St. Patrick's Day merriment and I checked out early. Thing is, I didn't mean to. After a trip to the bathroom, I stopped in my room to grab some chapstick. I sat on my bed as I applied it and then... I woke up at around 5a.m. to find that I was still fully dressed and my legs were completely off my bed (sort of like the position you assume on a bench press). Then I slept for another seven hours and have been recovering on the couch in front of MARCH MADNESS since.

I suppose I should explain the outburst below. As the above paragraph notes, basketball and I have made ammends. Watching Wichita St. knock out Tennessee to advance to the Sweet 16 (called it!) helps ease the pain of missing the Northwestern St shot. As does seeing Bradley knock out Kansas last night (back-to-back first round exits by Kansas!). But Northwestern St.'s upset of Iowa encapsulates everything that makes this tournament so compelling. We watch sports for moments. Embedded in each game is something memorable. An upset, a spectacular dunk, a game-changing defensive play, a buzzer beater. What happened yesterday was the very reason we watch sports. A little school from Natchitoches, LA (David) is down 17 points late in the second half to Big Ten tournament champion Iowa (Goliath). Not only does NW St muster up the gusto to pull off the underdog story upset, but they do it with an improbable three point shot with .5 seconds left on the clock. That is why we watch March Madness. For that lighting in a bottle that happens when all the little moments come together to form one great, memorable snapshot. And I missed it. The highlights don't do it justice.

Anyway, I'm watching Washington v Illinois right now and am a little disappointed that UW has unraveled. Snap out of it, dogs.

Oh, and tomorrow, Arizona has absolutely nothing to lose playing against one-seeded Villanova in Philadelphia (a home game for Nova). It's all gravy from here on for Arizona after clobbering Wisconsin. Why not shock the world? Bear down!


Friday, March 17, 2006


Okay, listen, if one more person calls or texts or asks me if I saw the fucking Northwestern St. shot over Iowa, I'm going to take a fucking crobar to their stupid, ugly face. Seriously. FUCK OFF. I'm so very pissed to have missed it. And yeah, it figures that the one stupid fucking year I actually pick Arizona to lose in the first round, they blow out a pathetic Wisconsin team. Didn't see any of that either. Guess why? I'm at work. I'm at screenings. I'm doing my "job" like a cunt and, of all days, there wasn't any dumb internet this morning. God, I hate this. You know what? Everyone can go kill themselves. I don't even like basketball, anymore.

Also, I didn't wear green today. For one, I don't have any and the color doesn't suit me. But more to the point, I don't care. This dumb day was so far off my radar, I was only reminded of it on the radio in the car this morning.


There are too many Irish nowadays. Please eliminate three. 

It's St. Patrick's Day. On a Friday. Guess that means I will most certainly not be going to a bar or pub tonight as it'll be impossible to get a drink (or even get in!). I'm not Irish – never have been - so what do I care about today? Not that much. But I know this: we've all had just about enough of these "Irish" types running our towns, controlling the media, monopolizing the financial district, and buying off the government. Oh sure, they have their Lucky Charms cereal and their green beer, but don't they also have their grubby little hands firmly around the proverbial neck of this country? In this age of rampant terrorism, aren't we all ignoring the real threat here? I say, we return to the days of the early 1800s and relegate the Leprechauns to second class citizens! I say! By the way, you've never heard of a female leprechaun, have you? You'd surely know if you did, because if there's a pot of gold in the mix, you can bet that bow-legged slag would forever be attached at the hip of all those male leprechauns, harassing them for fancy cars and flashy jewelry and a shopping spree at the mall. Those females are all alike, man.

Listen, you could say that I'm a little bitter that the post supervisor at work said (at my behest) that he'd replace the water cooler today with a keg of green beer. As of this moment, no such replacement has occurred. You could say that. And you might be right. Harrumph. Happy (?) St. Patties.

Drive safely tonight, people.


Thursday, March 16, 2006

There's a lull in the action! Stop having a lull in the action! 

Seven games in and I've only missed two so far (Marquette and Nevada), and both of those I had losing in the second round anyway. It's all about having your Sweet 16 intact. That Chris Lofton game-winning shot for Tennessee was one of the most incredible shots I've ever seen.

Oh! UCLA's on. They better not blow it.


You got what you want, Cohagen! Give dis people air! 

Gasp. Wheez. Huff and puff. Three games in the books and it's already terrific. Wichita St., Wisconsin-Milwaukee, and Boston College (though I would've thorougly loved for Pacific to win had I not picked BC for the Final Four) are my three favorite teams, right now. Oh, and did you hear about the bomb scare in San Diego? Coast appears to be clear, now, but the trouble all started when a dog detected something peculiar at one of the arena hotdog stands. Probably was the hotdogs.


I'm bustin', Jerry. I'm bustin'! 

I don't know why, but March Madness always turns me into loopy George Costanza. So much goodness happens over the next four days. The first and second round of the tourney. I'm working Thursday and Friday. That sucks a big rubbery one.

I don't care if you have no interest in reading this. I just need to get it out of my system and, damn it, this is the absolute best time of the sporting year. Period.

Something I've known for a while that has only been reaffirmed over the past few days: when it comes to college basketball, about 95% of the population (including most sportscasters) don't have a clue. This really hit home while watching the CBS Bracket Selection special on Sunday and having to endure both Jim Nantz and Billy Packer flaunt their ignorance on national television while they insulted the chairman of the NCAA selection committee, Craig Littlepage. Nantz and Packer were upset that so many "mid-majors" (or rather, teams not from major conferences) were included when selecting the field. "So many" = 8. Out of 34 at-large bids. Umm... Yeah... The only legitimate gripe from a major basketball program comes from Cincinnati, who really should be hooping it up tomorrow instead of Air Force. But there are no other compelling cases. So skewering Littlepage for including the George Mason's and Utah State's of the tourney seems a bit stupid, especially when citing history as the reason for your anger. Billy the imp Packer kept spouting about how the ACC had performed incredibly well over the last five years compared to the Missouri Valley. Yeah, he's right, but that's irrelevant. It has nothing to do with this season. Nor does conference affiliation matter when discussing NCAA resumes on a team-by-team basis. So to Jim Nantz and Billy Packer, two people whose job it is to understand such things and follow more than just the Big Ten and SEC teams they broadcast games for, I say this: you're both royal morons. Get fucked.

Conversely, there had better be a place reserved in heaven for Bill Simmons, his mom, and his wife. For anyone filling out a bracket or looking for a laugh, enjoy this. Some sublime excerpts on the reasoning for some of their selections:

I didn't even know Air Force had sports teams. Have they always had sports teams?"

"There's no way in hell I can pick Oral Roberts [laughing] ... is that really the name of their school? ... Wait, why would they call that school Oral Roberts? You never answered me. Is that someone's name?"

I don't like school names that are named after a person so I can't pick George Mason or Murray State, although I did pick George Washington, but at least he's a real person.

Ah yes. Well, as for me, I believe the following will unfold during this tournament.:

1. Arizona loses in the first round to Wisconsin, putting a merciful end to an underachieving season.
2. I think the toughest game to pick in the first round is Indiana vs San Diego St. I'm taking the Hoosiers, but Mike Davis' stint as IU coach ends in the next round against Gonzaga.
3. There is at least one 5-12 upset just about every year (not in 2000). This year, it's Kent State over Pittsburgh.
4. If any 2-seed is losing in the first round, it's Tennessee. But they won't lose in the first round. They'll lose in the second to Wichita State. The Shockers will be the MVC's best performer in this tournament and their only representative in the Sweet 16.
5. There will be one double-digit seed in the Sweet 16 and it will be Wisconsin-Milwaukee. Oklahoma is ripe for a first round upset and I think Florida (should they even escape South Alabama and make it to the second round -- the best chance for a 3-14 upset) is a bit overrated.
6. I don't understand how everyone seems to conveniently be overlooking the way Texas has lost some of it's games against top competition. Hint: they were blown out. Hey, that's a red flag! You want an upset? Longhorns don't make it out of the first weekend. And it won't be NC State that beats them. Hello, Leon Powe (doing his best Danny Manning) and Cal!
7. Everyone expects Memphis to be the first 1-seed to lose. They are probably the weakest of the 1s, but they won't be the first out. Villanova will when they fall to Boston College in the Sweet 16. Boston College is coming out of the Minneapolis region and heading to the Final Four. And they're going to beat 7-seed Georgetown in the Elite Eight to get there.
8. I think Memphis winning it all would be a terrific story and would make an excellent redemption song for Darius Washington (read the end of the Bill Simmons piece for the reference there), but I really think that UCLA has everything clicking at the right time and have all the pieces necessary to beat Gonzaga and Memphis en route to the Final Four. Actually, to me, UCLA's biggest roadblock is a possible second round game with Marquette. Overcome that and Ben Howland will be able to work some Westwood magic now that he has close to his full compliment of players, including a terrific backcourt and depth on the bench. Both key to tournament runs.
9. I think the Washington D.C. regional, seeds 1-6, is by far the toughest bracket. Possible 2nd round matchups include North Carolina/Michigan State and Illinois/Washington. Dude! Those are Final Four-worthy games! Doesn't matter, though. None of them can stop UConn.
10. I like Iowa to make enough noise to make it to the elite eight out in the Atlanta region. But they're not athletic enough to top Duke (assuming the Dukies get past a potential tough matchup in LSU). Fuck Duke.
11. BC vs UConn and Duke vs UCLA in the Final Four. UConn knocks off Duke in the title game. Why? Because like last year's North Carolina championship team Connecticut is the best team in the country, as well as the most talented.


Sunday, March 12, 2006

It's the greatest day of the year 

For me, anyway. It's Selection Sunday. College basketball's field of 65 will be set this afternoon and then... BRACKETS. I love it. Can't wait. Better than Christmas... Which I don't celebrate, but whatever.

Couple things before college hoops talk:
1. My computer is all better. Took it in to the Apple Store and apparently my iBook was part of that .04% that comes off of the assembly line with an internal formatting error. Additionally, my start-up disks for OSX were defective. Quite a combo. Thank God for that warranty, though. So the story has a happy ending.

2. "Fuck with me." This line and some of the cool deaths aside, don't let anyone convince you that Assault on Precinct 13 (the remake, of course) is either "fun" or "good." That movie was an assault on my balls.

3. The Sopranos! Back! Tonight! Awesome!

Okay. March Madness.
- Gerry McNamara is Mr. Wheaties. He's taken Syracuse from NIT-bound underachiever to Big East Tournament Champion and a likely 6/7-seed in the dance.
- Something to watch very closely in the coming days will be the status of Villanova scorer Allan Ray. 'Nova has a 1-seed locked up, but if Ray's availability is in question -- we're talking about a shooter with an eye injury, here -- then you have to figure the Wildcats susceptible to an early exit, possibly even as soon as the second round.
- If South Carolina wins the SEC tournament today, then there go the hopes of another bubble team. In all likelihood, the first team on the chopping block would be a Sweet 16 Cinderella-in-waiting: Missouri State. Even with their all-important RPI rating at 19, Missouri State is going to be waiting until the very end to know whether they'll be included in the field of 65. Consider, though, that the highest previous RPI for a team excluded from the NCAAs was 33. On the other hand, playing in the Missouri Valley Conference might give the committee pause. In either case, let's hope that South Carolina loses to Florida today.

My dirty 32 (mere hours before the seedings):


Ohio State

North Carolina

George Washington
Boston College

Michigan State
West Virginia


Wichita State
North Carolina State

Southern Illinois


Thursday, March 09, 2006

I dreamed a dream in time gone by 

Evidently, I still dream about a girl that I had a crush on in the second grade (and only in the second grade) and haven't shared so little as a parting glance with since high school. These dreams don't happen frequently enough to be considered "recurring," but certainly enough to where I've got a running tally. It's usually the same scenario, though never the same setting. She and I separate from a group and have misadventures. Our love takes hold, though never in a salacious manner, and we couldn't be happier to be with one another. It's very innocent. Mostly. Mentally, it's like we're Goonies only we're madly attracted to each other. But even in my dreams, I'm cogniscent of our real-life relationship or lack there-of. So, it's strange. We'll be running through some rival high school (what??) or museum when we should be in school (not quite the treasure hunt of Goonies) or, I don't know... wrecking shit and running away from trouble together. And the whole time, I'm thinking: "Dreams can kiss my ass. I'm enjoying the moment, but I know it's not real. She doesn't really like me. Like I need a tease, right now."

Whatever. This is stupid. I don't even know why I'm writing it. Probably because I just need to write something. It's a compulsion. And, really, I need a way to transfer my bitterness. I'm just pissed off that my fucking computer has already contracted a virus (just my luck when it comes to anything technological) and I've had it for less than a month. Maybe tonight I'll dream about having a virus-free computer. How sad would that be?

Fuck you, subconscious.


Wednesday, March 08, 2006

Stoplight sighting 

I don't make a habit of this and have been known at times to chastise people for mentioning that they saw so-and-so-celebrity walking down the street or some such mundane thing, but I had a surreal sighting this morning. I'm driving down La Cienega to work, still waking up, when I pull up at a stoplight beside this tiny burnt orange Porsche. I had noticed the car earlier and it struck me as a horrible color for such a beautiful automobile. So I glance over and it's Hugh Laurie. And, you know, he's being all English and Hugh Laurie, gabbing at nothing (presumably a car phone). He sparks a cigarette and then just kind of surveys the intersection in that English, Hugh Laurie sorta way. And the man looks excatly as he does on TV: grizzled and like shit. Anyway, as he's checking out the scene at Wilshire and La Cienega, he looks over at me. Now, I'm looking like the bomb, like the money, but also half-dead. Like him. And we sort of give each other this head nod, as if to say, "Fuckin' traffic, right? I'm/You're Hugh Laurie." It was a scene, man. There was definitely a connection. You ask Hugh Laurie today if he saw anyone cool on his way to work this morning and he'll tell you about the badass in the regrettable Hyundai. Then he continues straight and I turn right. Perhaps we'll rendez-vous later at Robert Sean Leonard's house and berate him for being so irritating in Dead Poet's Society. Who can truly say? At any rate, I've seen all of one episode of House (it was enjoyable), but enough Black Adder to make this a pretty neat encounter, if not a fairly mundane story. Plus he was in that remake of Flight of the Phoenix, but that's neither here nor there. Hugh Laurie drives his car to work in the morning. He's people. Just like us!


Sons and Daughters 

I missed last night's premiere episode, but caught the "2nd half" of the premiere after that. This show has a lot of potential. Some big laughs, a very Arrested sensibility about it. Some might even say that it smacks of AD, but these characters aren't nearly as cartoonish. Anyway, seems there's something to compete with Scrubs for my attention on Tuesday nights (assuming I'm home early enough to watch either).


Tuesday, March 07, 2006

Bonds still the best? (I think so) 

A day after the shocking loss of Kirby Puckett, it's become officially unofficially official that one Barry Bonds is blasting 'roids.

I'll say it again, even before he was using steroids he was the best player in baseball history, if not right there with Mays and Mantle. It's a shame that he felt the need to pad his HR numbers as he was a perrenial MVP for years and in no danger of falling away from that status. Beyond power, I'm still not convinced that those enhancers increase his skill-level at all. But cheating is cheating, I suppose, and this article notes that the substances being taken by Bonds were illegal even in 1998. Too bad. He may be a royal asshole, but he's still the greatest baseball player of at least the modern era, if not all time.

It's even more of a shame that this "scandal" is overshadowing the passing of Puckett, one of the greats who really all but fell out of public consciousness after his retirement.

Hey, know what no one is paying attention to? The World Baseball Classic.


Monday, March 06, 2006


Well, you're probably wondering if I had any reaction to last night's Oscars. Unless you watched it with me. Then you probably don't much care. And why would you? It's the Oscars. But in spite of all of that, I will say this: Holy shit, that was one fired up South African. I wish he had another ten seconds of screentime because I was sure he was either going to A) tackle conductor Bill Conti or B) explode. Plus, it would've given him yet another opportunity to shout that the teleprompter is telling him to wrap up in ten seconds.

I should like to see Tsotsi.


Sunday, March 05, 2006

They're today, aren't they? 

The Academy Awards

Even as recently as yesterday, I was still forgetting about the Oscars. I was driving on Sunset Blvd, wondering why it was especially congested. Saturdays are always bad, but this was ridiculous. Then I glanced over at Hollywood Blvd and realized, "Oh yeah... Oscars." Memo to myself: People will actually be over later today to watch the Oscars. Try not to forget, you idiot.

Thoughts on the nominees list...

Cheers, cheers, cheers to all Munich nominations and big ups to Terrence Howard's nom for Hustle & Flow.

It kind of sucks that Howard's nomination is such a "victory." I'm super ecstatic that he got nominated, but I think it's being viewed generally as, "You got the nom, be happy with that charity." It's about time that guy got his due.

If anyone is keeping track or following or caring, Crash and Brokeback were the big winners at the WGA. Ang Lee won the DGA.

Palestine is a country, huh? Debatable. If what I read in the press is to be believed, then I have two reactions to Paradise Now. 1) It sounds revolting. 2) I have no interest in seeing it, as it would probably just make me angry.

Also, while we're on foreign films, go Tsotsi! South African pride, bitch!

God bless everything for there only being three nominees for best song rather than the usual five. We all know that the song has pretty much nothing to do with the movie. UNLESS (and this rarely happens!) it is prominently featured as a plot point in the movie. Read: "It's Hard Out Here for a Pimp" from Hustle & Flow. Good for them.

Props to Murderball for getting a documentary nod. Though I haven't seen it, I still sort of dread the moment when March of the Penguins wins best documentary. Why? Because all I've ever heard about that movie is this: "It's so cute." That's it! Nothing else! "Man, those penguins sure are cute. Love that cuteness. What a great cute movie." Can't say I have any interest in it.

I've only seen one of the best actress noms. Charlize Theron is fucking brilliant in North Country. See it just for her if you have to. Good film. Still, not having seen the other four and in spite of some of the problems I had with King Kong, I thought Naomi Watts should've received a nod.

I've only seen three films from the cinematography category, but that grouping is loaded. Shocking, initially, to see Batman Begins in there, but I'm down with it. Duder's name is Wally Pfister. Tee hee. Still, I wish there were room for one more because Munich really did visually capture the feel of a 1970s espionage thriller perferctly.

The sound in War of the Worlds was awesome! No one can deny that, regardless of how they felt coming out of the theater. Glad to see that it wasn't passed over.

I liked Crash enough. It's not one of the best pictures of the year, but I thought, for the most part, it wasn't bad. However, Paul Haggis' best directing nod is very troubling. I think David Cronenberg's work on A History of Violence would've been a far better choice.

Best Supporting Actor, Best Makeup, and Best Visual Effects are the only categories in which I've seen all the nominees. Weird.

Saw Good Night, And Good Luck a couple weeks back. That's a solid little film, right there. Really efficiently made. David Strathairn is compelling as all get-out. However, if anything, the film suffers from a lack of conflict. Really, if the movie is to be believed, there are little-to-no obstacles in Edward R. Murrow's way. Jeff Daniel's character folds like a house of cards, immediately. Frank Langella's character is not a villain (which I LOVE), but simply a smart businessman who is incredibly supportive. Also, the subplots in the film, to a point, felt like filler. This is a 90+ minute film that can be told in 60. The Robert Downey Jr./Patricia Clarkson b-story delivers one hell of an anti-climactic payoff. All film long, they're building to something really interesting, then bitch out at the end for a "cute" resolve. But maybe it was necessary to have that storyline if only to bring some levity to the earnest subject-matter.

Oh, and while we're talking movies, I saw a documentary released a month ago (note: Not eligible for today's awards) called Why We Fight. This is what Fahrenheit 9/11 should've been. More factual and constructive argument, less witch hunt. And, most importantly, less Michael Moore. I regret that Why We Fight's relevance is minimized by the fact that it's out over a year after the election. The film does an admirable job of casting a dark shadow over groups, while making sure not to demonize individuals associated with those groups. Except for Dick Cheney and Rummy, of course. Good flick. It'll leaving feeling powerless and bitter, but check it out.

Back on the Oscars -- I still have to see Capote, Walk The Line (though my tolerance for biopics is pretty much gone), Transamerica (though it actually sounds kind of boring, Felicity Huffman aside), Junebug, The Constant Gardener.

It's a couple months late, but here are my top ten films for 2005:
10. Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire
9. Good Night, And Good Luck
8. A History of Violence
7. War of the Worlds
6. Batman Begins
5. The 40-Year-Old Virgin
4. Murderball
3. Brokeback Mountain
2. The Aristocrats (though not actually a film)
1. Munich

Predictions for today's big winners:
Best Picture - Brokeback Mountain
Best Director - Ang Lee
Best Actor - Philip Seymour Hoffman
Best Actress - Reese Witherspoon
Best Supporting Actor - Matt Dillon
Best Supporting Actress - Michelle Williams
Best Original Screenplay - Good Night, And Good Luck
Best Adapted Screenplay - Brokeback Mountain

I'd probably be more interested if I thought the best movie of the year, Munich, had a chance of winning best picture. But politics and media buzz dictate that it probably won't happen.


Friday, March 03, 2006


I definitely just got home from work ten minutes ago.

I definitely just had a 15-hour work day.

I definitely don't need your sympathy. Just more turn-around-time than: full day of footage shot yesterday needs to be maticulously assembled and put in final script for tomorrow.

I definitely am watching Knight School, the new reality show on ESPN starring Bobby Knight, right now just to make sure my day doesn't only consist of sleep and work (I'd say "eat," but, you know... it was Jack in the Box). Bobby Knight is quality entertainment. The wannabe jocks trying out for the walk-on spot on the Texas Tech team? Not so much.

I definitely am excited that it's March. College basketball goes full blast in the next couple weeks. Love the madness.

I definitely forgot that the Oscars are this Sunday, until I was reminded earlier today that I was hosting an Oscar party on Sunday. Interesting surprise that would've been. Man, for some reason, that's just not anywhere near my radar this year.

I definitely am tired.


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