Tuesday, December 26, 2006

Blowin' in the wind, swinging from the gallows 

Sweet. Good riddance.

Totally unrelated, I saw Blood Diamond, last night, and wow, that movie is a mess with regards to structure, tone, and character. And yet, it wasn't that "bad" per se. Just disorganized. Djimon Hounsou has that sympathetic African role down pat. It's almost like he's forever typecast or something. Anyway, you can rent this one. The narrative would've been even more satisfying if it wasn't as sloppy as 70-year-old whore.


Friday, December 22, 2006

Off to Phoenix... 

... and I'm already regretting it! Wheeee!

No, it'll be okay. Anyway, you ever come across those people that have a story for everything? I'm working with one of them. He's a really inquisitive, thin hypochondriac. Super friendly guy, wears a short-brimmed fidora (can't think of the actual name of the hat). He's cool. Okay, so we're all mucking about in the hallway, talking about painful surgeries -- dental or otherwise -- that we've had. He joins the party and I say to him, "Roger. Cortizone. Go!" Without missing a beat, launching right into it, "Well, when I was four, I fell on one of those Tonka trucks and it got lodged in my skull..."


Movie least likely to make you pop a woodrow 

The Queen. Unless excellent direction and surprisingly interesting narrative really does it for you, you're likely to stay flacid down there. I really love how no one is flat out right or wrong in this squable and that it basically comes down to the heartless vs the mushheads with both sides being humanized. And wow, Tony Blair (played very well by Michael Sheen) was totally in the Underworld movies. How's that for serendipity? Also, if this film is any indication, Tony Blair has a lot of time on his hands, yeah? He's always at home, kicking it with the fam. Pretty sweet gig, that PM of Britain.

So yeah, really good film, Helen Mirren is going to win an Oscar, but don't you want to know her measurements? BECAUSE THEY'RE ON HER IMDB PAGE! I found that amusing. Helen Mirren was a babe!


Thursday, December 21, 2006

Stupidest argument ever 

I don't care what Jeff says, Underworld is better than Underworld: Evolution!


Tuesday, December 19, 2006

English adolescence 

You know, it's strange, I've always had these weird dreams where, in an alternate reality, we immigrated to England instead of America and I was raised the English way and whatnot. But in my schooling, there's a strong comradery among my mates and myself -- sort of an amalgimation of the bonds built as being part of a working class British household and sent off to boarding school. I realize that this probably doesn't make much sense, but I happened upon Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire (a good movie, even the second time around), last night on HBO, and it pretty much captures exactly what I'm trying to explain. I don't know, perhaps that's a longing for the good old days in a land far far away, but... Hogwarts is so damn cool! Yeah, what this boils down to, essentially, is that I want to go to Hogwarts.

Man... that is so stupid. Whatever. I'm Time Man of the Year, Jimmy freaking Carter is not, and the top recent searches directing people to this site are:

- oxi-cotton
- meaning of groaning guy
- most potent alcohol
- obrien wasteline
- axe body spray 6 years ago

That last one is fascinating to me.


Monday, December 18, 2006

Damn you, The Office Christmas Special 

I never ever EVER though I'd download a song by Yaz off of iTunes, but... here we are.

Unrelated: Man or woman?
It is not clear how she failed the test at the Asian Games in Doha.



Thursday, December 14, 2006

Instance Cologne... smells like kazaarx 

Tomorrow will be five years to the day that I graduated from college. How depressing. Where did it all go? Where?!?

Anyway, here's some spam from "Instance Cologne" emailing from mens@arethusa.net. I've taken the liberty of highlighting all the nonsense words which probably are some sort of secret language, possibly only spoken by Robot Millionaires. Behold:

Protg jesus ferguson test skills premier hopes qualifying rio?
Nokia adcallimu ee hosting brussels estimated.
Badaboom tfnh, jan vargas. Capped cutprice gearing likes launched adsl.
Kerry challenges bush prosecute, clarke if advisor lied. Station name have next three estbagleu spreads executed. Legal forced remove own problems litekazaa mbkazaa. Forced remove own problems!
Given bearer surpassed adjusting quite speedily existence. Specify fashion excluding, default returns, pages include exception. Excellent reals numberone fun! Browsing display hijacker redirects errors standard displays kazaarx.
Embraced, carriers, cut it replace, switched ipbased fiberoptic riding.

I don't know about you, but I'm thinking I might like to "badaboom" Jan Vargas, you know what I'm sayin'? Eh? EH?!


Tuesday, December 12, 2006

Brave New WorldNetDaily 

I cannot tell if this website is a put-on or not. People seem to believe it's genuine, which not only makes it's existence funnier, but creepier, too. It feels like some evangelical nutjobs decided to do a send-up of The Onion, but nobody told them that The Onion was a joke website. Full of gems, though...

Controversy surrounding the three wise men!

Soy makes your kids gay!

This one might be the prize...

Chuck Norris vs The ACLU!

Enjoy these, why don't you, and remember that stem cell research is the tool of the devil, global warming doesn't exist, and creationism is infallible.


Monday, December 11, 2006

The Robot Millionaire 

As I was walking down Sunset Blvd on Saturday night, I passed a very strange sight. On the second-floor of one of these cheap, dirty, whore-motels, staring out of the window, was this shirtless bald guy with stringy hair surrounding the crown of his head and tattoo sleeves just sort of groaning and staring out the window, banging on thin mesh screen that was dutifully preventing him from plunging to his death. Okay, so that's pretty weird, but at street level, looking up at the window is the raving lunatic of a homeless woman who I've seen several times before and she seems to be enjoying some sort of joke and this groaning, creepy guy's expense. Who really knows because the guy wasn't able to form any "words," but she was enjoying her end of the exchange. Anyway, I walk by and she yells to me while pointing to the tattooed groaner on the second floor, "THAT'S THE ROBOT MILLIONAIRE! THAT'S THE ROBOT MILLIONAIRE!" Then they both start laughing.

Dudes, Los Angeles is awesome. For realZZZ (three Zs, so you know I'm hardcore, dawg)!

Went to Dave & Buster's down in the dreaded O.C. for Mike's bday and it was good times. Minor issues with the establishment, though. One, all the good games either were broken or broke while someone was playing them that night (shooting range, pop-a-shot, some air raid simulators, and a driving game. Two, all the pool tables were snatched up by private party (what can you do?). Three -- and this is the biggie -- NO AIR HOCKEY! I even flagged down the Julia Stiles look alike who was working the floor for confirmation (and maybe to steal a kiss) and she said they wouldn't get any tables for at least a month. She also bailed before I could make "my move," so that was disappointing. But good times, all told!

There just don't seem to be a lot of interesting movies coming out, eh? I still want to see The Queen and The Envelope Please. Apocolypto looks really interesting, but I can't justify giving anymore money to Mel Gibson -- especially on a project he financed himself, meaning that the box office goes straight into his pocket. No, I'm content to wait until someone Netflixes it.

Aaaanyway... Robot Millionaire. Also, I look damn sexy in these new jeans I just purchased. You should all know. I've been told about 12 times already, "Damn, those jeans make me want to have sex with you."** Just sayin'...

**May not be true


Wednesday, December 06, 2006

Recent Keyword Activity 

Yeah, I was checking out the traffic stats for this page and special commendation should be given to whoever plugged the following searches into Google:

1. "citibank commercials very rewarding not funny"

2. "camel toe montage"

3. "what does cold as shit mean"


Reasons not to hate the world 

I'll give you two of them.

1) Australia lifts ban on stem cell research. Hooray! It's always been my position that if you're anti-science, you're anti-human race. Period. And now for a game of knifey-spooney.

2) Iranian president Ahmanjidafucktard doesn't speak for everyone -- even though the official position of this conference doesn't mean that Iran "denies the crimes of Hitler." Baby steps, right?

2.5) Saw the Richard Donner cut of Superman II on Sunday and it is AWESOME... until the very end when Superman reverses time -- again -- thus rendering everything you've just watched as little more than a waste of time. What a load of shit.


Friday, December 01, 2006

I'll be happy in about 90 minutes 

That's when this work week finally ends. Damn it. I don't know why, but it's just sucked. Maybe it's because on Monday we had a major Avid crash, causing us to lose two weeks-worth of work. That may have had something to do with it.

My grandpa turned 95 the other day, as I've mentioned earlier, and my dad thought he would be HILARIOUS (...) and send a birthday card in which George and Laura Bush were on the front. Inside the card, it says, "Happy birthday from George and Laura." My grandpa calls up and he's like, "Oy, wtf? Who the hell are George and Laura and why do they care about my birthday?" Yup. Coping with senility. Cool.

I have to ask: Is there anybody out there -- anybody -- who finds those stupid Citibank commercials with the Turkish douchebag (sorry, we live in a Michael Richards world) that goes "Rewarding! Very, very rewarding!" and his Napolean Dynamite knockoff sidekick even the slightest bit amusing? Funny at all? At all?! Because you cannot escape them. They're everywhere. Shoved down your throat at every available second. Like AIDS. Citibank is like AIDS. Believe!

The sports site is now a month old and doing fine.


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