Wednesday, September 01, 2004

"Economic Girlie Men" 

That phrase, and that phrase alone, will win this election for Bush. I'm not even kidding. Yes, that's how little faith I have in the voters. It truly is. While Arnie spun compassionate stories about his childhood in Austria, living in fear of the Soviets, they drew virtually no parallel to the state of the nation today. But its no different at any convention be it Republican or Democrat. A crowded arena full of schills line up to see their favorite faces spout empty jingoistic rhetoric. Buzz words like "patriotic" and "democracy" get thrown out so often, you'd think they were as common as "and" or "the."

There couldn't have been a less convincing notion of "fun" as when the Bush twins stepped up to the podium to introduce their mother and "playfully embarrass" their parents. Their delivery? Nothing short of flawless... that is, if you consider intonation in speech to be cheating. Flat, staged, teleprompter lines that just hurt to sit through. But boy were they bouncy! Eh...

Laura Bush's speech was a yawn. But damn it, she smiled the whole time, so I suppose people will perceive it as "worthwhile" and "honest" with respect to her husband being a compassionate man. That's the Texas debutante petrolium jelly on the teeth in full effect.

By far, though, the shallowest part of the night at the RNC (save for maybe everyone at Madison Square Garden going apeshit over Arnold-isms like Economic Girlie Men) was when the President himself was beamed via satelitte from a township in Pennsylvania. In the background appeared to be something resembling a softball game. But I tell you, my friends, it was no game. If you taped the convention or TiVOed it last night, watch again. The gathering of people in the background are simply watching guys hit a softball and then run off frame like an assembly line. There's no game being played, just guys taking turns hitting a softball. My god! The absurdity involved here! It's like I'm watching a poorly drawn out political satire in which the incumbant goes out of his way to invoke images of Americana like baseball or apple pie or flag waving in and earnest effort to make people forget how poorly he's run the country over the last four years. Oh wait... that's no satire at all... it's actually happening.

This may be oversimplifying it, but for every compassionate Barack Obama speech, there are a dozen "Economic Girlie Men." I hate to say it, but the public doesn't have to think about the latter and that's why I think we're looking at another term for Bush. Not because of merit, but because of an SNL joke. After all, Kerry's a flip-flopper. People don't know what he stands for.

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