Monday, January 17, 2005
Hey Jared from Subway. Eat it!
Watching the NFL this weekend, been seeing a lot of Jared, the Subway success story who slimmed from 489,423 lbs to a slims 250 (or something. whatever). Anyway, too much Jared make Alan a dull boy, so I prefer instead of watching him smile about toasted bread and fresh tomatoes, to imagine that he startles awake every night at 2 a.m. in a cold sweat and just makes a mad dash for McDonalds where he grabs a shitload of Big Macs. Once he's got them, he scrambles back to bed where he eats them in comfort. This is what gets me through the commercials. Nevermind changing the channel. At least I'm using my imagination while watching TV, right? Yeah.
Other commercials I've had it with: beer. Specifically Coors Light. Forget how everyone is chirping about how their beer has fewer calories (as if it matters. If you're drinking beer you don't care about calories!) for a second and let us just focus on the pervayers of Colorado piss water. The motto nowadays for Coors is, "The coldest tasting beer." They brew their beer frozen, you see. What they're telling you is that it tastes cold. It's cold-tasting. Does anyone else have a problem with this? It's called a fridge. You put beer in there and they come out tasting, um, cold. Bah! Ugh... I don't know. Maybe I shouldn't find this so ludicrous. Maybe Coors knows that people who drink that particular beer have no self-respect and, thus, will eat up anything you shovel in front of their slobbery faces. I bet that's it.
If you drink Coors:
1) Why?
2) Stop
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Other commercials I've had it with: beer. Specifically Coors Light. Forget how everyone is chirping about how their beer has fewer calories (as if it matters. If you're drinking beer you don't care about calories!) for a second and let us just focus on the pervayers of Colorado piss water. The motto nowadays for Coors is, "The coldest tasting beer." They brew their beer frozen, you see. What they're telling you is that it tastes cold. It's cold-tasting. Does anyone else have a problem with this? It's called a fridge. You put beer in there and they come out tasting, um, cold. Bah! Ugh... I don't know. Maybe I shouldn't find this so ludicrous. Maybe Coors knows that people who drink that particular beer have no self-respect and, thus, will eat up anything you shovel in front of their slobbery faces. I bet that's it.
If you drink Coors:
1) Why?
2) Stop
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