Monday, August 29, 2005

Oh, Friendster Whores, you so crazy 

We're all familiar with "friend" sites like Friendster and Myspace, yes? Basically, you join these sites and create a profile detailing the middling curiosities about yourself. You can add your "real life" friends to your friend circle (as most people do), but some have been known to meet - gasp! - new people on these sites. **NOTE: Don't ever ask "why?" Simply accept that some things "just are."** There are message centers for each profile and you can randomly (and creepily) drop in on a guy/girl from out the blue and say, "Hey (scratch balls), your pics are really cute. We should meet up for drinks some time. You know... if you like what you see."
Probably 80% of the time, it's the girls' inboxes that are perpetually bombarded (You may choose to either ignore or embrace the unintentional double-meaning of that last sentence. This choice, I grant thee) by random guys. The percentage is likely higher than that. Point is, there is more guy-approaches-girl occurring that girl-approaches-guy -- just as in our day-to-day lives. SO, with this knowledge, a guy such as myself can't help but become suspicious when an attractive girl begins flirting with him all of a sudden. After all, how often do I get approached? We'll say, "Less than often." Just so you're all aware, I have absolutely no qualms about listing the email addresses here-in because, well, they're effectively spam. I now give you the reason for my skepticism.

hi Alan
Message: Hey there Alan, I was looking around on friendster and saw you and it looked like we might hit it off pretty well so I decided to see what might happen if I wrote to you. According to friendster we are pretty close to each other, so I figured I would give it a shot. I'm a little shy and new to here so I am not quite sure how to begin. I just kinda wanted to wink your way and tell you I liked what I saw. I moved here for work and thats about all I have done since I got here, which makes it hard for me to get out and meet people and I really wouldnt even know where to go anyway, so I figured I would give this a shot. I hope you dont mind me writing you out of the blue, but I am just dying to get out and have some fun. Things are finally slowing down and I am getting more and more down time everyday, I just need someone to spend that time with, interested?? I hope so!! If your ready for me than write me back at my email and we can see where we can take this, it is caringfun232@hotmail.com Well, I have probably said enough already and talked my head off!! I will wait to see if you get back to me to let you know a little more about me.

Dudes! She's winking at me! Seems nice enough, right? Girl-next-door-type just moved to the big bad city and needs someone to interact with and be comforted by. Oh by the way, her profile name wasn't "Cindy," as listed in the message. It was "Naughty." Also, I received a distinctly similar message six weeks earlier.

What's up Alan?
Message: Hey there, just browsing around trying to meet some people from around here. I just moved to Philadelphia a few weeks back and I hardly know anyone. I figured I'd give friendster a shot and see if I have any luck. I'll keep this short until I know you're interested. Just looking for someone to hang out and have a good time with....not looking for anything serious. I RARELY get a chance to check this account on friendster so if you want to chat hit me up at erinsfriendster@hotmail.com and I'll send you some more pics. Talk to ya soon hopefully.

Erin is a bit more concise than Cindy and even throws in a bit of specificity (she's in Philadelphia) in an attempt to legitimize her claim of new girl, big city, you're cute. However, "I'll send you some more pics" just screams porn. You know what Cindy and Erin have in common? Neither of the profiles remain on Friendster. In fact, they seem to have been removed within hours of their sending their respective messages.

The overwhelming evidence in front of me, I decide it would be funny to reply to one of these pay-to-fuck-me scams just to see what the response would be. So I email the former. Here is their delicious reply:
Hey Alan, thanks for getting in touch! I am struggling a little today but am REALLY glad I took today off work! :-) A bit about me....I'm a LA woman through and through, I like my job and love this town, it just has so much to offer. I definitely want to meet up with you soon if you're down! According to friendster, I live close by so we could really meet whenever you want. GREAT NEWS (if you're a baseball fan) my boss gave me 2 tickets to the Dodgers/Giants game... Care to come with me???

I posted A LOT more pics (as I said I'd give you!) on my newest personal,
some are topless but NOT bottomless, but they're at http://www.unravelmylove.com/erin2005 My profile is listed in that site under "BackSideBabe". I wanted to post my personal info (i.e. phone # and my
personal email address) there for 3 real simple reasons.
2) I never have to worry about being contacted by children since only
adults are allowed in the site.
3) I know all the replies I receive are genuine.
I've met 3 people off of this site, and it's truly made me feel safe. I had
a nightmare of an experience in the past that I don't want to happen again.
Thats all I've got to say right now, let's just plan on meeting soon! Cause you know what that means... ;)

Give me a call!

***The following is a requirement of this website: "If you are offended
adult material or are not of legal age to view such material, or if you
simply would not like to hear from any members from this website,
this link to be removed:" http://www.unravelmylove.com/subscription.php

"Cause you know what that means... ;)" Dudes!! She totally wants to do me!
I really shouldn't have to spell this out any further. I mean, wow... this is the greatest thing ever. If any of you are down, BackSideBabe wants to take you to a Dodgers game and then bone nasty. Don't be hesitant, man. Everything's cool. I meet all my lovers on unravelmylove.com. Actually, I'm curious to know what her "nightmare experience" was like. I imagine she spammed the wrong man. It would be wrong to get mad at these harlets, ladies and gents. They are here purely for our amusement. They deserve many thanks.

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