Wednesday, September 14, 2005

Hey, football. Screw you! 

I know it's already stupid Wednesday, but (shocker) I've had things to do at work. So, you'll pardon the Monday Morning QB arriving two days late.

I've got a bone to pick with you, Football. I thought we had a deal? I show enthusiasm for your return and you bless me with good fortune. But you wanted more, didn't you? You cruel, heartless bitch! It would have pained you far too much to see my lowly self happy with the weekend's results. Listen here, you sadistic bastard, you owe. A lot. It's time to pay the piper. All pigskins will now have hand grenades planted in them. We'll see who is laughing then, won't we? You shit. What? You don't like that? You think I should give you a mulligan because who the hell can predict week one? I hate you.

Seriously, week one can kiss my pretty ass (and it is pretty). That garbage should be stricken from memory! Ahem... sorry, just happens that this week didn't treat me too well. Given, no one knows how the season opener will unfold, but I managed to somehow go a pitiful 6-10 with my picks and, worst of all, my three suicide pool picks all lost... in the first week. Believe me, after that I really did consider suicide. Plus, my fantasy team woefully underperformed and failed to crack 70 points. I attribute this largely to the decomposing Brett Favre. The guy who beat me - sigh... - scored the second fewest points this week. Ugh... milk was a bad choice. Some quick observations, disappointments and otherwise:

Cardinals - Yeah, nothing has changed. Still bad. It's scary how miserable JJ Arrington was (also on my fantasy team). PS - Giants winning in NY on 9/11...

Vikings - Yeah, nothing has changed. Still forever a pretender. I still don't understand how people think this offense will keep rolling without Randy Moss. Let me tell you, Nate Burleson is NOT a #1 receiver. Culpepper looked horrible. I was an idiot for putting money on this team. I should've taken the team that is going to beat them this coming weekend: Cincinnati.

Seahawks - Yeah, nothing has changed. Still entirely dependant on Shaun Alexander (also on my fantasy team - 0 touchdowns). Won't ever believe in this team unless there is a massive change in player personell. They look to be in danger of an 0-2 start with Atlanta coming to town.

Packers - Totally screwed. Donald Driver has to deal with double teams in pass coverage = more interceptions for Favre. After this weekend against Cleveland, it could be a loooooong season for Cheeseheads.

Saints - I learned the hard way: Never pick against America's team.

Colts - I missed the game, but something should be said for Anthony Wright having to play QB for Baltimore. Kyle Boller isn't great, but Anthony Wright is no Kyle Boller. That said, I can only give so much credit to slowing Jamal Lewis to 48 yards rushing. Not hard when your opponent can't pass and are forced to the entire game because they were always trailing. Still, credit where credit is due.

Cowboys - Didn't expect Drew Bledsoe to shine like he did. That was really a surprise to me. Dallas may still be overrated, but Bledsoe's play is encouraging.

49ers - It's week one. No one knows what the hell is going on! Particularly Rams' coach Mike Martz (anyone notice a trend there?). Can the Niners shock the Eagles next week and turn the league on it's ear????

Eagles - I only caught the last three minutes of Monday night's game and remained undeterred about making this team my Superbowl pick until I heard later that McNabb has a chest contusion. He's finished out the game and will probably play this weekend, but make no mistake, he is the team. No McNabb = No hope. But let's assume he makes it this season, consider the circumstances of the Falcons game: open the season away on Monday Night Football in front of hostile crowd versus a team with something to prove (Atlanta still remembers last year's NFC title game). Plus McNabb and T.O. still aren't on the same page -- 112 yards receiving or not.

Chiefs - Though I didn't expect the Jets to get handled like they did, I've been saying this for most of the summer: Chiefs are winning the division... And I HATE the Chiefs!

Suck it, NFL.

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