Monday, September 19, 2005

SMRT Emmy Football 

Take that title and slap it on a novel. Do it!

A courtesy to everyone out there, the new SMRT-TV is up and charged for a second volume. I write about "fantasies." I'd also like to point out that I drafted Ahman Green in the second round and Brett Favre in the eighth, just in case the error within the article leads you to believe I'm no better than Suzy Kolber.

Some thoughts on the forever drab Emmys...

- This show is pretty uneventful. However, I did enjoy the tributes to Johnny Carson and Peter Jennings, as well as the "edgy" sketch from Jon Stewart.

- S. Epatha Merkeson's thank you speech was easily the highlight of the show. She lost her speech down her dress, couldn't get it out, and kept bringing it up during her giddy rambling. Nice.

- Conan O'Brien's brief two minute presentation before handing out an award was funnier than anything Ellen had to offer in the evening. Conan was a great host a couple years back. Why ever stray? Conan for president.

- If Deadwood wasn't going to win the Emmy, I'm perfectly happy with Lost taking the honor. Conversely, Everybody Loves Raymond was never deserving, and took full advantage of this being it's final season. Of the five comedies nominated, I'd rank only ahead of Will and Grace. You just can't convince me that there is a funnier show on air than Arrested Development. New season premieres tonight at 8pm on FOX. Watch it!

- As far as performances, I was actually kind of mad that Brad Garrett won again. I wasn't surprised, mind you, and I think he's good on the show. But c'mon! Jeffrey Tambor or Jeremy Piven. That's all I'm saying. And Jessica Walter deserves her due, too. Maybe now that Raymond and Doris Roberts are off the air, she'll finally win. Swing and a miss for Ian McShane. Pretty happy for Felicity Huffman. She's terrific and came off as incredibly genuine in her acceptance. Good for her.

- "Emmy Idol" is total bullshit. Regardless, Shatner was robbed.

- Someone at CBS 2 News in Los Angeles is going to get fired for spoiling the Best Actress in a Drama Series award, showing footage of Patricia Arquette backstage with her statue. I had no idea that Medium was even still on the air.

On to part III of this... this - this "post." It figures that two of my best bets cruise (with Dallas yet to come) the week after I have no money riding on them. 0-2 is the kiss of death. No 0-2 teams made the playoffs last year and only three have done so in the last three seasons. It's hard, you see? Teams like Arizona should be accustomed to being in this position. New to the 0-2 club, say hello to Minnesota, Green Bay, Baltimore, and San Diego (Chargers weren't expected to be here).

- Two weeks in a row that San Diego blew a 4th quarter lead. That's a very bad sign. And what the hell are they doing not involving Tomlinson in the passing game?! That is the entire key to their success! LT catching balls out of the backfield spreads out the opposing defense, creating chaos. It's what made the Chargers offense effective last season at all! 0 catches in two games for LT. Shocking.

- Tough break for the Raiders last night. I really think the Randy Moss touchdown that was called back in the first half should've stood. The ref took forever to make that call and it was dubious at best. Let 'em play! Oakland hung tough, though, and I think their defense showed a few signs of light. Still, losing to the Chiefs sucks.

- I really wish I'd put a $1,000 bet on the Bengals this weekend. Not at all surprising that they trashed the Vikings. Read carefully: Minnesota sucks! Culpepper threw 5 INTs. Yo! Not to be outdone, the Lions' Joey Harrington did the same against the Bears. I said Detroit would roll barring a Harrington meltdown. I'd say that five interceptions qualifies as a nuclear castastrophe.

- Same ol' Cardinals. The last 30 seconds of yesterday's game is a perfect microcosm of what this franchise embodies. Completely inept, wasteful of talent, and disoriented. Kurt Warner goes 0-2 against his former teams, further validating the braintrust in New York and St. Louis.

- Seattle really really really wanted to lose yesterday. But unfortunately, Atlanta ran out of time. Despite the win, the Seahawks just reminded everyone that no matter how big their lead, they should never feel comfortable. Even when they jumped out to that big 21-0 lead, you knew the Seahawks didn't really want to win. It just sort of happened.

- Pack it in, Green Bay (sorry about the pun). Favre set a couple milestones yesterday, but the Packers lost because of his mistakes. If the Browns are able to hold you at bay in Lambeau Field, you got problems, homey. I'll be interested to see if they can respond at home next week against a steadily improving Tampa team.

- Steelers look hot against inferior opponents. Patriots coming off a loss against Carolina in what was a great game. Steelers could knock the Pats to 1-2 next week. That game will be awesome.

- Peyton Manning had 0 TDs, 1 INT and the Colts still won. Maybe this team is on to something... Meanwhile, Jacksonville has to be thinking "wild card spot" as long as Byron Leftwich is healthy. I like what they're doing.

- Baltimore is like the Vikings in as much as they have disappointed to start the season. However, unlike the Vikings, Baltimore is playing exactly as people thought they would: defense and the running game. Problem is, they've been unable to establish the running game because they keep falling behind on the scoreboard early on. That's a problem when you have no QB.

- New York conspiracy! NFL wants the Giants to make the playoffs so they gave them an extra home game! I said it! NFL offices are based in NY. NY=ratings. The rest of the Saints home games are being divied up between San Antonio and Baton Rouge. Conspiracy theory ahoy, Batman. I'm just saying...

Oh, and my fantasy team killed this week. Lowest point output in week one to the highest by a sight in week two. Cheers.

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