Thursday, December 08, 2005

I won't cry. I won't cry. No, I won't shed a tear. 

Today is 25 years since John Lennon was murdered by an excitable Beatles fan. His passing was one of the landmark events of the 20th century. The type of thing where when it happened, you remember exactly where you were and what you were doing. Where were you when you heard the news? Me? Well, I don't remember. I can pretty much narrow it down to what country I was in, but beyond that my memory is for shit. Man... that first year of life must've involved some heavy drinking 'cause I don't remember much of anything from it. Except of course for how I couldn't walk for a year after my briss.

Hey, guess what? Victory in the "war on terror" is totally within sight! All we have to do is capture approximately 80,000 terrorists. And then? Mission accomplished.

Okay, now this piece of news genuinely makes me ill. NBA star Vince Carter's high school is erecting a statue in Carter's honor. Did you catch that? His high school! Not a professional organization, not a college, his high school. You become an underachieving "superstar" and your high school puts a statue of you on campus. Makes sense. Oh, but wait...

The sculpture will feature his image holding a basketball and two children at opposite ends of a granite footbridge. It will be inscribed with inspirational words about the importance of education in building a successful future.

First of all, I just threw up in my mouth, swallowed it, then threw up again. Children on either side of him? What is he? An apostle?! Secondly, Carter left the University of North Carolina after his junior year (that's before graduation for all the ree-rees reading along). So much for the "inspirational words about the importance of education." Man's got skills on the court. What's he need an education for?? Ah, hypocrisy. Thirdly, I just barfed again.

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