Saturday, June 03, 2006

Put this in your brainhole 

'cause that's where it's going. So get comfortable and act inviting.

That wedding last week? Yeah, it was awesome! Party of the year. Highlights include: chocolate fountain, 12 people passed out in a hotel room, and this guy. Mike, I don't usually do this (and by "this" I mean "personalize a blog entry"), but thank you. I just want to throw out there that I actually supplied you with water on a few occassions, thus turning the world on it's ear and making everyone but me an enabler. Mike's shining moment: when I went down to the hotel lobby bar in my wifebeater and shorts (it was that period of time after the reception when people were getting out of their formal wear in the hotel room and winding down) -- as requested by a couple people -- and Mike, grinning ear-to-ear, clearly having soooo much fun, comes up to me and giggles, "You're dressed very inappropriately. I'm very angry with you. You're so inappropriate, right now." To which I replied, "Here, have some water." Again, Mike, thank you.

Da Vinci Code got to get it get it
Saw this several days ago. I've never read the book and this is a story that could not possibly offend me in the spiritual/religious sense. Ever. That being said, it's an interesting story that just isn't very exciting to follow. I actually prefer the scenes of extended exposition more than the ones of contrived action and "suspense" (of which there was none). The film is shot beautifully, though, and surely no one can deny that. But it's silly. The intrusive score tries it's best to fool you into thinking something exciting is happening/is about to happen, but that's never the case. Brent actually summed it up to me perfectly: Da Vinci Code is a video game. Solve a puzzle, move on, solve the next one, etc. with no character development or tolerable dialogue. Oh, and Paul Bettany as the albino priest with a passion for murder and self-mutilation is completely out of place in this film. He's entertaining to watch, but definitely in the wrong movie. Another thing I found kind of amusing was the way Tom Hanks could "Beautiful Mind" puzzles the way John Nash did numbers. Ridiculous. This movie is thoroughly average.

Best preview ahead of this movie: damn right, it's the new Bond film. I'm pumped.

X3 is X Stupid
I'll put it this way: If you enjoyed X3: The Last Stand, you're stupid. I mean, seriously, this is a very dumb movie. It's one word description would be "sloppy." Every moment feels slapped together at the last second without a single moment of comprehensive thought put into any sequence. X3 is the blueprint on how to ruin a perfectly fine franchise. You actually don't care that just about everyone dies. If you're crying, now, that I may have spoiled the movie for you, trust me, I just did you a favor. At any rate, "I'm the Juggernaut, bitch!"

Best preview ahead of this movie: well, it's probably the teaser for Snakes on a Plane, but I'd be lying if I said it was the most memorable. That distinction goes to the possibly catastrophic My Super Ex-Girlfriend where you find out a full 2 minutes! into the trailer that Uma Thurman is not only crazy, but also a superhero. What?! Suck me.

I'm a fan of this exchange:
Butthead: Uh, hey, Cher.
Cher: Uh, hey, Butthead.
Butthead: Um, weren't you married to that 'Bono' guy?
Cher: Bono, Sonny Bono.
Butthead. Oh yeah. Uh, wasn't he like... a cop?

That's good stuff, right there.

Shaquille O'Neal is back in the Finals
And Los Angeles is cheering for him. There's no bitterness here. If anything, the fallout of Shaq's departure has only served to remind us just how freaking awesome he was. At the happily-named "Big Wang's" sports bar, last night, everyone was applauding and cheering Shaq as Miami routed Detroit. There are no Miami Heat fans in Los Angeles.

Mmm... Stanley Cup Finals
It's set: Carolina vs Edmonton. In so many ways, a clash of the old and the new in the NHL. Carolina represents the new(er) sunbelt franchises that the NHL has, at times, received flack for trying to market itself in. The results have mostly been successful, but overexpansion and relocating franchises (Carolina by way of Hartford) did much to disenfranchise some hockey crazies. Meanwhile, there's no bigger hotbed for the sport than Edmonton, where five Stanley Cups and perhaps the greatest teams ever assembled (dynastic in the 80s) wrote themselves into the history books as one of the vanguards of the NHL.

It's likely, as well, that in a pre-lockout NHL world, this finals matchup would never have happened. Edmonton and Carolina are both small markets, financially speaking. If not for the salary cap and other revisions made that formed NHL 2.0, the Oilers could never even be allowed to dream of signing stars like Chris Pronger and Michael Peca. And Carolina? Not many free agents were breaking down their door. But credit to the Hurricanes who, upon losing star Erik Cole for the season, traded for Doug Weight (a former Oiler, himself) at the trading deadline -- something they probably would not have been able to achieve in the old days.

Edmonton was the 8-seed in the West, Carolina the 2-seed (only a point shy of being tops) in the East. For all of it's history, Edmonton actually has zero players on it's team that have won a Stanley Cup in the past. But those numbers mean absolutely nothing, now. Both clubs look inspired and are playing as well as they have all season. The Oilers are riding a veteran goalie in Dwayne Roloson who never has been known for his play in big games until this post season. Carolina is on the shoulders of rookie, Cam Ward.

If I may be so bold as to make a prediction, I'll say that this one is going the game 7-distance with Carolina coming out on top. Both sides have the guts, but the Canes have just a bit more talent and experience in the form of Weight, Brind'Amour, and Recchi. Could really go either way. I'm looking forward to it.

Oh, you didn't know?
Your ass better caaaaaaaaaaalllllll somebody. Yeah, that's right, Mayday screening on Friday the 9th. What's that? Sweeten the deal, you say? Done. I can do that. LA! Pic up da fone! That's right, Cell Fone will be making his California debut at the Mayday screening. If that doesn't make you all wet, then you suck. Like, a lot. Cell Fone is going multi-blackinum and he's taking Mayday with him. You've been told.

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