King for a lifetime, fool for a... lifetime...

It's not like I didn't have a crystal clear idea of what I was getting into when I saw Pirates of the Carribean 2. The experience was sort of a strange one, mainly because when the movie started I was still buzzing (both euphorically and with alcohol) from Italy's World Cup win earlier in the day. It's kind of like the time I saw Crossroads (shut up) in the theater. I was pretty drunk and some friends said, "Hey, wouldn't it be hilarious if we went to opening night of Crossroads?!" Like a shmuck, I didn't hesitate to race to the theater. But then, when the opening credits started rolling, it finally began to sink in that I was about to watch freaking Crossroads! That'll sober you up quick. You might say my experience with Pirates... was very similar. Only I was completely bored for all but twenty minutes of the movie -- which feels like the exact inverse boring-to-entertaining ratio I got out of the first one. The chaos once they hit the beach and everyone is chasing after the chest is pretty fun and the big wheel was a nice set piece. I just felt like every other part of that movie served only to stroke itself. "Hey, did you like all this wacky pirate stuff we did in the first one? Well, now we're going to make it even bigger and longer, but less interesting and not so much motivated by story! YOU IN?!" No. Can't say that I was in. And I still think Orlando Bloom is a terrible actor.