King for a lifetime, fool for a... lifetime...

Work.

Especially after this weekend which was the perfect combination of relaxing and rollicking. Couple BBQs, birthday party, pool party, took in a play, saw the new Star Wars (which is better than the last two, but still nothing special - the dialogue is still painful and Hayden Christensen is still abhorrent. Even at 2 1/2 hours, Darth Vader's arch still feels rushed. It's a long movie.), and most importantly, got lots of sleep. God, it felt like actual summer. Like, summer vacation summer. Sitting in this office right now... it's fucking depressing. This morning I paid over $1,000 in rent and bills. These are decidedly not the days of summer vacation.

SMRT-TV: ISSUE 5 is up and running. You should read it 'cause you like TV so much. Obligatory Bryant Gumbel is soooo white joke.

This rewrite of the Star Wars prequels is gust-busting comedy to the max (extreme max!). Enjoy. I couldn't stop laughing at "mind wind."

What's that? Down 3-0 at halftime to one of Europe's finest clubs? No matter. After all, overcoming a three goal deficit in only 45 minutes is impossible. Oh wait! NO, IT'S NOT!

Liverpool: Champions League Winners. Unbelievable. Simply unbelievable. Overcoming tremendous odds in the quarters, semis, and last night's final. Playing as sheepishly and inconsistently as they did throughout the English season. Amazing. Champions of Europe. And I have it all on VHS to watch as many times as I like.

That'll happen when you down $50+ in beer the night before without eating dinner 'cause you're just retarded like that. Seriously, I woke up still drunk. Did the whole stutter step to regain my equillibrium when getting out of bed and everything. I got to work and started slamming Advil like it was my job. Interesting that I took up this new job at my current job. Somewhere during the tail-end of my festive night (by the way, if you live in LA and weren't at The Wimbledons show last night, you're a little bit of a douche), enjoying a nice sit on the kitchen tile, propped up by the cabinet under the sink, it all came rushing back to me: I still haven't accomplished anything.

I don't need a return to darkness, but at the moment the tracks have me wheeling back down that path. Lots of extenuating circumstances that I don't feel comfortable mentioning on here, but suffice it to say that they're all starting to pop up at the same time.

"When it rains it snows, I wonder why.
And now I know, that when it rains it snows."

Anyway, at least there are some superficial interests to look forward to, such as the incredible run my boys have made in Europe. Very much looking forward to watching the Liverpool/Milan final tonight (and perhaps again, later) some time after the two hour season finale of Lost. Know what? I'm genuinely excited about tonight's episode. It promises (and, as a finale, is bound) to shed light on some of the mysteries surrounding the island. Plus last week's episode was really strong. I just realized this, but Lost is the only show I've watched every episode of this year. How 'bout that?

Hey, fascinating stuff on Mars. Here are some of the buzzwords within the article:
-The Mars rover
-Red Planet
-wet and violent history
-six-wheeled robot
-volcanic eruptions
-impact explosion

Look at that list and tell me this isn't the greatest sci-fi/monster/action/epic saga/article ever.

Sometimes I hate being right, but the simple fact is this: In the NBA, there are no upsets.

the Spurs again caught the Suns at the end to win Game 2 of the Western Conference finals 111-108 Tuesday night and take a commanding 2-0 series lead.
How big is it? No NBA team has won Games 1 and 2 of a seven-game series on the road this deep in the playoffs and failed to advance. And the Spurs, who are headed to San Antonio for the next two games starting Saturday, are the league's best home team.

Spurs only lost four games at home this year. Suns are dreaming if they think they'll get two in San Antonio. Too bad. I'm still rooting for them. Oh, and to those who doubt the importance of playoff experience, suck on this:

"They've all been there before and our guys are pretty new to this," said Phoenix's Steve Nash, who had 29 points and 15 assists. "I think it shows not in necessarily the lack of production from our guys, but the super production from their guys. They've been just phenomenal in the fourth quarter."

Big ups to the 2,000 Coca Cola workers who went on strike today. If there's any company that can afford benefits, it's this one. I don't see myself on a picket line any time soon, but negotiations on my behalf, in my industry, are near. Now more than ever, I'm sensitive to what these Coca Cola strikers are going through.

Not to harp on the Suns' loss yesterday any further, but as this article cites, the Spurs know how to win. Phoenix, conversely, has been very suspect at closing out quarters, let alone games, for most of the playoffs. I don't know how much of that can be blamed on the absence of Joe Johnson, but there's no point in quibbling about that now. Killer instinct has to be consistent. Those fantastic runs are deflated when you let the other team back into it during the last two minutes.

French Open started today. So much for being the defending champion.

Critics Richard Schickel and Richard Corliss of Time have compiled a list with some debatable selections.

Surprising inclusions:
Finding Nemo
Drunken Master II (seriously? top 100 of all time???)
The Purple Rose of Cairo (at least a half dozen films featuring/by Woody Allen are far far better)
The Fly (although an argument can be made in terms of genre films)
Miller's Crossing
Kandahar (I should really see that)

Shocking omissions:
Sunset Boulevard
The Wizard of Oz
Terminator 2 (hey, if they're willing to put The Fly on there, anything is fair game)

It's Mosquito Circus episode 9! You should listen to it and stuff. Show 10 coming soon.

Other notes not MC-related:

- Imagine my disappointment when I tuned in to Fox last night expecting a new episode of Family Guy and was instead greeted with the laughable abomination that is Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones. That was dumb. So instead, a group of us watched the last half of the completely insipid Chronicles of Riddick (which none of us had seen before) on HBO. Wow, is that movie bad or what? Incomprehensible as all hell, too. I kind of feel that even seeing the first hour wouldn't matter at all. But also incomprehensible in a way where you'd get lost watching one of it's seizure-inducing, self-contained action scene. Hey, is there a filthier word than the one for the villains in Riddick? Necromunger??? I don't think so. Upon further review, we all decided that as a result of Vin Diesel's not-so-interesting super eye vision in that movie that it should be retitled. Vision Vision: Chronicles would be far more suitable.

Speaking of retitling (or titling for that matter), if they ever make a sequel to Corky Romano -- starring that hack, Chris Kattan -- it should be called, Corky Re-Ramono: Been There, Done That... Again!

- Very much unsurprised by the result of yesterday's Suns/Spurs game. Spurs won by 8 and really didn't wrap it up until Brent Barry hit consecutive wide open three pointers with about 90 seconds to play. It felt like San Antonio never had trouble finding their shot thanks to scoring the majority of their points -- particularly in the first half -- off of mostly uncontested shots and layups in the paint, as well as an abundance of 2nd chance points. Nazr Mohammed was the man in that department. Not like the Suns didn't have their chances, it really felt like it was their game to lose in the 4th quarter, but San Antonio is just a better team and all but has the blueprint on how to contain Phoenix's fast break. I'm stunned that Shawn Marion was the non-factor he was and, seriously, someone remind Quentin Richardson that he's being paid to hit outside shots. That guy is ice cold over the last few games. Yesterday's game one offers me no reason to waver on my earlier prediction of Spurs in six. Why? 'Cause its the NBA. The better always wins. You very rarely ever see an upset in the NBA playoffs. Very rarely.

Ah... not doing much on a Sunday morning. It's nice. The course will pretty much hold except I'll be watching game one of Suns vs Spurs (finally -- the REAL playoffs are here), recording a Mosquito Circus later this afternoon (I know, finally your longing for a new installment will be satiated), and probably watching new Family Guy tonight. Otherwise? Nada. Yeah.

Some announcements:

Tuesday, May 24th catch The Wimbledons headlining at The Troubador in Los Angeles. Only $7 at the door. You'd be a fool not to go. For one, I'll be there. Two, they're awesome. Pretty sweet that if you check out the calendar section on the Troubador website, you'll see the Wimbies link there. Bitchin'.

You like plays? The theatre? Acting?! Starting this weekend through the end of June, you should check out Sight Unseen Theatre Group's 2005 Festival featuring delicious plays such as "Forget My Chrome Embrace" which delves into the delicious field of Transformers fan fiction. Oh my... yes.

Top 5 songs I can't get out of my head/have been listening to non-stop as of late:
1. A Better Son or Daughter by Rilo Kiley
2. Greetings in Braille by The Elected
3. The Blower's Daughter by Damien Rice
4. Lose You by Pete Yorn
5. Wow, She Dumb by Homegrown

And there you have it. I was lucky enough to catch last Friday's unbelievable game 6 of the Suns/Mavericks series in which Phoenix closed out the Mavs thanks to some magnificent heroics on the parts of Steve Nash and Shawn Marion. Amare (the next Charles Barkley/Karl Malone-type mega forward) fouled out with about five minutes to play in the game. Not a problem for the Suns. Steve Nash has definitely lived up to his MVP status during these playoffs and I nearly lost my senses when he drained a game-tying three pointer with five seconds left to force the game into overtime where Nash and Marion took over. Looking forward to the San Antonio series.

Also PPV-ed the FA Cup yesterday and watched with friends. The first half of Arsenal v. Manchester United was mostly stale and disappointing. In the second half and extra time, Man United dominated possession and scoring opportunities, seemingly toying with Arsenal at times, yet inexplicably unable to capitalize with a goal. They had a solid four or five chances to win. Instead, as cruel and ironic as fate could be, Arsenal prevailed due to penalty kicks. The Gunners were without question not the better team yesterday, but sometimes that's the way the cookie crumbles. High point of the match may have been hearing the Arsenal fans taunt the Man U fans by chanting "USA, USA!" referring to the take over by shifty Malcolm Glazer. You know? The American owner of the Tampa Bay Buccaneers whom Man U fans were burning in effigy because of his seizing 75% of the club largely to get himself out of debt while presumably deconstructing the club in the process? That guy.

The we all ate burgers off the grill. Mmm...

He scored 27 points in his final game. Rather impressive. Too bad it wasn't a win. I didn't watch the game (at work) and was spouting elsewhere that few would (I haven't seen the ratings, but can only assume I was right -- even with ABC carrying the game). Reggie Miller's retirement, to me, signals a sort of end of an era not only regarding Reggie, but in the broader scope of NBA stars. I'm always going to link that guy with Jordan, Ewing, Olajuwon, Barkley, Robinson, Malone, etc. - the NBA vanguard up through the late 90s. I respect Reggie Miller a lot. I think he was a terrific shooter and was absolutley incredible at moving without the ball to free himself for a shot. Few players can claim to be as prolific from 3 point land or as clutch as he was. He gets many many bonus points from me for playing his entire 18 year career in Indiana. Loyalty is severely underrated. Now the question becomes: Is he a hall of famer? I'd have to say no. The guy was a perrenial all star during his heyday, but never cracked the 1st or 2nd team All NBA. If it wasn't for Michael Jordan, that might not have been the case, but I've never thought of Reggie as being one of the top two or three swingmen in the league. Ever. Only one finals appearance (again, no thanks to MJ). Lacked defense in his game. If there is any question of whether a player should be in the hall of fame, then there is no question that they shouldn't. Reggie just barely misses the cut in my book. Though his legacy will live on for some time. I don't think I'll ever forget him hitting three threes in -- what was it? Ten seconds against the Knicks in the playoffs in '95 and then barking at Spike Lee who was sitting courtside. Great stuff. For the record, that '98 Pacers squad was incredible. They really should have beat the Bulls that year. Damn.

Here it is: Headline of the day.

Also, in a taste of the deliciously crass, here are your cookies of the day.

What else is going on this stupid Thursday. Cripes, at least it's not as stupid as Monday - Wednesday (so far). Still, generally stupid day.

George Lucas is stupid. No way this leak will affect him in the slightest. Although I'm hearing strange reports that Revenge of the Sith is decent. Zah? After II offended so horribly?

The Vikings told "The Whizzinator"" (Onterrio Smith), "Get the fuck out of camp, bitch!" Tee hee. Whizzinator. I figure I could talk forever about The Original Whizzinator. But I won't. Stupid.

I'm not big on conspiracy theories. Here's a solid debunking on the Shaq only has one MVP hoo-ha. Although, come on, he at least should have won over Iverson and Duncan's 1st.

Not stupid? Evolution. Even "lesser" pandas know about evolution. Of course more socially refined, giant black and white pandas know, but now the lessers are on board also. Hear that all you bible thumping, right wing chimps (our descendants) who want to eliminate that word from school? Even lesser pandas know!

From a sports perspective, these last several days have struck me as somewhat... I don't know... uninteresting? Yeah. Three NBA playoff series are looking at going six games minimum. Though, I'd still be shocked if the final four isn't Miami, Detroit, San Antonio, and Phoenix. Anything else would be an absolute stunner to me. Speaking of Phoenix, I fully expect them to whip Dallas tonight, scoring somewhere in the neighborhood of 125-130 points. No rhyme or reason why. That's just how the Suns do.

The bigger basketball story, mind you, is that the NBA may be on course to emulate the NHL. FYI: that's a bad thing. Let's not forget that people will move on with their lives if the NBA does happen to have a work stoppage. There's football to carry fans through January and pitchers and catchers report in February. If you're dying for a b-ball fix in between, it's called college and it's better.

This afternoon, CSKA Moscow became the first Russian soccer club to capture a European title after winning the UEFA Cup. How 'bout that. First Ruskie side ever.

Kentucky Derby winner Giacomo has 6-1 odds of winning the Preakness Stakes. It soooooo matters that he drew the 13th post. Or not. You're a little bit of a fucktard if you bet on him.

Moving on from bets back to actual sports, here's a competition that actually matters: The French Open. Kicks off on Monday. Some pundits think this guy could steal the show.

It's kind of a bummer that the English Premiership season is over. Looking forward to going to a local pub early Saturday morning to catch the FA Cup final between Arsenal and Manchester United. I'll be pulling for the Gunners, I suppose, who'll be without Thierry Henry - best striker in the world, if you ask me. And you did.

Bwah? That's actually more shocking than hearing Frank Gorshin is no more. Rather obscure, yes, but he was easily my favorite villain from the campy Adam West Batman series of the 60s. Play the Riddler, get nominated for an Emmy. Huh.

I voted yesterday in the Los Angeles mayoral election. Voting: It feels good. Only around less than a third of the electorate turned out to the polls but, the result was hardly surprising. Even though Villaraigosa beat Hahn in a landslide (approx 59-41), I found some junk email in my inbox this morning from the Jim Hahn campaign saying that the exit polls showed a dead heat. I wish I hadn't deleted that immediately. Funny stuff.

Anyway, the LA Times is already doing what every good newspaper should do: holding the man to his word. It might seem hyper-critical given that the V-man was just celebrating his victory last night, but in some ways they are right to challenge his idealism. Sort of reminds me of when you were having school elections in 6th grade and the kid who was voted class president only won because he promised he'd replace the water fountains with coke fountains -- and I'm not talking about the cola, I mean the white gold distributed with ease by our Colombian friends. Bunch of 12 year olds running around the playground strung out on cocaine. I was there. Good times.

Yes, today marks the release of the 4th season of Seinfeld on DVD (perhaps the funniest non-Simpsons season in television). Scrubs also came out with their 1st season today. First off, what the hell are they thinking over at Scrubs going up against Seinfeld? Morons. Secondly, there is a third, less-heralded, more obscure, perhaps even more nostalgic show than Seinfeld (for those of us entering double digits in the early 90s, at least) debuting today. The series I'm speaking features none other than Artie: The Strongest Man... in the World! Be that as it may, I can't see myself buying The Adventures of Pete & Pete

Ready for the "game?" Cool! Okay, ready? Are you fucking ready?! Great. Okay:

Not Crazy.

Crazy.

Got it? Yeah? I'm sure you did well, no matter how low your opinion of yourself. Need a clue? Here's one. No bullshit, totally serious.

Hey, know what movie is surprisingly good? Unleashed. Yeah, I know! That trailer did look cool and was supposed to outshine the movie as a whole, but this film is totally satisfying -- particularly if you omit that nagging lack of conflict resolution from your memory.

Remember a little while back when I said people were up in arms about Malcolm Glazer seizing control of Manchester United? Yeah, I wasn't kidding. He may already be the most hated owner in history and he has yet to preside over even one game as the club's head gorilla.

Dude, guess what? Things are cleaner State-side.

Okay, that's enough "fun and excitement" for now. Laughing time is over. Go do something constructive.

You're such a TV junkie. Why don't you just revel in SMRT-TV already? Hey, know what I think? I think horse racing is nothing more than a bet. For crying out loud, I may as well watch coverage of some yahoo in Vegas playing the roulette table. That comparision is not a stretch by any means.

Indiana joins the rank and file in the arcane daylight savings nonsense.

Peer pressure, man. By the way, all it took was the governor of Indiana signing a bill -- a piece of paper -- to enforce this time change. That's it?! That's all it takes? Hot damn, I am going to fuck so hard with time once I become an elected state official.

Cut to: 20 years later

"Governor signs bill eliminating Mondays"

Look who is dropping in on Newport. Though I won't be watching it, this episode unfolds in my head as such:

Lucas meets Adam Brody and shoots him in the face with a 12 guage, screaming, "My God, man! Your pathetic whining is almost as teeth-grinding as the way I defiled the childhood memories of so many faithful nerds." Then the Lucas robot malfunctions and begins to short circuit, popping an eye out of the socket while a spring coil bursts out the side of it's neck.

Unfortunately, that probably won't happen. So, yeah, still not watching.

I'm pretty sure that last night's game 2 between Phoenix and Dallas was the first good -- if not great -- game of the playoffs. Even if it was riddled with fouls. Fantastic 2nd half. Too bad the Suns blew it. They really did outplay Dallas, even without Joe Johnson (The flagrant foul called on Jerry Stackhouse was a joke. Another case, like in football, of refs reacting to the injury, rather than the play), claiming the advantage in rebounding, free throw shooting (huge advantage there), and turnovers. But there's this guy, Michael Finley, who was absolutely unconscious last night. Guy pretty much had the best game of his life and kept the Mavericks in it single-handedly. And boy did they need him because aside from the eventual game-winner, Dirk Nowitzki got lost on the way to the 4th quarter. The big German was pretty much a non-factor with the exception, of course, of that 12 footer with 6.8 seconds to play. Suns really laid an egg in the last two minutes, missing way too many easy buckets. I was actually genuinely upset that Dallas won last night. They stole this one. I just can't root for those guys. Mark Cuban is just so damn unlikable. I respect him as a businessman, yes, but he's such a tool. Not having Joe Johnson's services may put a crimp in my "Suns in 5" prediction. We'll see. I still can't picture Dallas moving on to the conference finals. Brent's got a pretty thorough breakdown on the only good game of the playoffs so far.

Over in England, where basketball is decidely not king, Arsenal beat Everton 7-0!?! Are you fucking kidding me?! ARGH! This just makes me HATE THE LIVING FUCK out of Everton. They wrap up 4th place over rival Liverpool and then just roll over and die -- almost intentionally. Fuck 'em. Arsenal had the possession advantage 81-19!! WHAT!? Ugh. It's incredible that Everton managed so well in the Premiership given that most experts picked them to struggle mightily, especially after the departure of Wayne Rooney to Manchester United.

Speaking of Man U, Malcolm Glazer of the Tampa Bay Buccaneers is staging a takeover of the club... by force, if he has to. You can imagine all the fuss this is causing among Brits. They definitely do not like the idea of an American taking the reigns over soccer's most fabled and popular club.

... in South Africa... in a nuthouse. I'm guessing the success may have broken him. Just a guess.

It's so good! I love reading!

They're making up for the 'finger in the chili' incident by giving away the tastiness.

Regardless of how little affect, if any, the new Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy movie had on me, Sam Rockwell is funny as hell in it. I see now what people meant when they said the movie feels rushed and doesn't make for the best translation from page to screen. Still, I'll be damned if Rockwell's Zaphod Beeblebrox isn't one of the best things to come out of 2005.

Oh, hi there. I participated in Mayday this weekend. It was definitely... something. Actually, I feel better about the third installment from Team Lower Gatsby (myself and cohorts) than the others -- at least from a morning after point of view. We'll see if the film, Hope Decoyed, holds up over time. The title was meant to be Hope Decayed, but was read incorrectly during the title run-off and people just fell in love with the idea of decoying something. 14 happy sets of fools then proceeded to decoy to their heart's content. Turned out well, I think. I meant to only take a brief nap yesterday afternoon from 3-5, so that I could get back on a regular sleep cycle. I ignored my alarm and only awoke at 8. My body: betrayal. Turns out it didn't matter, though, because by 10p I was sound asleep again and showed up for work on time and everything. Mmm... sleep...

The first round of the NBA playoffs have concluded with no surprises and even fewer thrills. With rare exception, the NBA first round is consistently one of the most predictable things in all of sports. I thought game 7s were supposed to be worth a damn. Indiana beat Boston by 27 and Dallas beat Houston by 40! What?! These aren't game 7s, they're bullshit! An update on my predictions from earlier:

(April 21st predictions/Now)
Miami over New Jersey (5 games) Miami in 4
Washington over Chicago (6 games) Washington won in 6
Indiana over Boston (7 games) Indiana won in 7
Detroit over Philadelphia (5 games) Detroit won in 5
Phoenix over Memphis (5 games) Phoenix won in 4
Dallas over Houston (7 games) Dallas won in 7
Seattle over Sacramento (6 games) Seattle won in 5
San Antonio over Denver (7 games) San Antonio won in 5

2nd round
Miami over Washington (5 games) Miami leads 1-0
Detroit over Indiana (4 games)

Phoenix over Dallas (5 games)
San Antonio over Seattle (5 games) San Antonio leads 1-0

So, I'm off to a flying start, nailing each first round series with an inaccuracy of a mere five games. Pretty strong.

Another topic shift -- the next coming weeks may bring me great happiness from a career perspective. I was at a gathering this past Saturday that featured Al Jean from The Simpsons, John Wells of ER/West Wing fame, and hundreds of writers and editors. It would appear that wheels are in motion, excitement is in the air, and change in working conditions and compensation (for the better) are imminent. I really don't know how much more I can say about it, so I won't.

Finally, there's a baseball card of JP II. There's only a buzz about it because he is dead. There. I said it.

While I'd still have given the honor this year to Shaq, you can't really argue too much with Steve Nash being the recipient of this year's MVP award. Really, they're like 1 and 1A. I've been a Nash fan ever since he early college days at Santa Clara. I remember living in Phoenix, watching the 1996 draft, and being totally psyched when the Suns made him their first round pick. Of course, it didn't make much sense at the time given that Phoenix already had Jason Kidd and Kevin Johnson on the team, but still they got the best player available in Nash. For some foolish reason, I remember, too, that the Phoenix media was whining and complaining about the Nash pick, lobbying instead for John Wallace (who was subsequently taken by New York and then dropped off the face of the Earth not long after). They whined because they're total morons. One of my personal highlights in life: working at a movie theater one summer and having Steve Nash walk in. I was working concessions and he came up for a popcorn and coke. I was, I believe, 17 at the time and a little star-struck. I actually called him "Mr. Nash." He definitely felt awkward. I was a douche. But hey, that was totally great. Then, due to a surplus at point guard, the Suns shipped him to Dallas who, this past summer, dropped the ball and allowed Nash to leave for free agency -- paving the way for his return to Phoenix. Now, in his first year back, he's the MVP. And why not? The guy was the instrumental leader and focal point of a team who earned the best record in the NBA for the regular season after not even making the playoffs a year ago. That's a turn around, my friends. Granted, I think a lot of that success (not only for Phoenix, but for anyone else out west) is due in part to Shaq going from LA to Miami, but that's beside the point. Steve Nash: He rules.

Couple of completely unrelated articles. First, much much much respect to Nelson Mandela - perhaps the world's only true living hero - for taking a stand against commericial whores looking to cheapen his name by putting it on every and any trinket they can find.

Second, there has been a "scientific study" conducted to determine who is the greatest clutch hitter in baseball. Any readers of Moneyball are familiar with how misguided the notion of "clutch-hitting" is, but now it's here for all to see thanks to the power of science. Science!

My last few posts have been pretty dry, just posting links, etc, not much to do with me personally. Some might be curious to know more about what's happening in my life these days. Well, I'm not going to lie to you: I've been busy.

It's all in the title, isn't it? I mean, that's a headline. I don't know why you'd possibly care to read this other than for comedic value.

I appreciate this on so many levels. FYI, looks like the new "gutter slut" will be Rod Stewart's daughter.

Seriously, people. Seriously! If there is one song I would expect to hear from a marching band, it would be "Louie Louie".

Band members and parents complained to the Board of Education at its Tuesday meeting that it was too late to learn another song, The Herald-Palladium of St. Joseph reported.

They're right to complain, but they're doing it for the wrong reasons. Add Michigan to the list of schools sheltering and dumbing our children down beyond recognition. What's going to happen when these kids finally do hear the lyrics to "Louie Louie?" Anything?!? No!


Sigh... retards, man.

Before you know it, you may end up spending a healthy amount of time looking at this site. It's full of secrets and unmentionables. Shh! Don't tell anyone.

Show #8 is up and running. It will rock you where you make babies. Doug is back as co-host and I never left, so there. Listen, love, then kindly vote for the Circus at podcast alley. The internet loves feedback.

Sweet, sweet victory! Liverpool upset juggernaut Chelsea and are now marching to the Champions League Final! Unbelievable! Perhaps not quite the upset I'm making it out to be as Liverpool has played Chelsea tough in their four previous meetings this season leading up to tonight's win (one draw, four 1 goal losses), so I knew that Liverpool could hang with them. Factor in the added pressure Chelsea had to be feeling as overwhelming favorites (they just won the English Premiership with only one loss all season) and the lingering memories of their semi-final letdown in last season's Champions League, along with the cockiness of their manager, Jose Mourinho, and you can see why the Reds were able to take advantage. Awesome! Awesome! Awesome! This just made my day.

Semi-related (in as much as it has contributed into making my day), I did traffic school online due to a speeding ticket I picked up a few months back. First of all, fuck "speeding." Secondly, if you ever need to do traffic school, you owe it to yourself to abuse the system online. You can change your answer and access Google as many times as you need!

Go Reds! You'll Never Walk Alone!

First those schoolboards in Texas and now this nonsense out of Kansas. Two steps forward, four steps back.

Two weeks after the preceding issue, right on schedule, issue 3 of the hot TV webzine is here. In this edition, I elaborate on why Shaquille O'Neal is the NBA's only hope during the current playoffs. Check it.